I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
