Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
