woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
