i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
