Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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