I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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