At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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