...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
