please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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