I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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