I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
