I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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