Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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