I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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