OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
