i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
