I cockslap morals
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
