Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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