I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize