Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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