so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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