I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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