Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
