I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
