Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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