the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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