"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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