I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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