I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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