I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
