Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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