Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
