She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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