If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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