i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
