Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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