who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
