My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
