dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
