she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
