Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
