4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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