my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
