shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
