I hate your face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
