Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
