note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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