we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
