Plan B is the new Plan A
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
