dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
