I wish you could order shots online.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
