I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
