So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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