If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
