Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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