i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
