based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
