afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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