Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize