I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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