My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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