No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
