take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
how drunk are you?
Several
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
