ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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