carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
this hospital has no fireball
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
