I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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