I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
