It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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