I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize